blogs/rabbi-huberman

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson (1911-1980)

Grandparent and Grandchild:
The Perfect Love

This week's Torah portion, which concludes our reading of the book of Genesis, ends with a "puzzler" which has inspired debate for centuries.

As Jacob prepares to die, he summons each of his twelve sons, and summarizes his relationship with them. Some of these personal chats include blessings, while others involve scoldings.

But here's where things get interesting for our Sages -- and perhaps counterintuitive for you and me.

Jacob notices Joseph's sons and asks "who are these?" They sit on his knee, and Jacob blesses them.

For generations, it has been a tradition within Jewish households that parents, on Shabbat, place their hands on their children's heads, and bless them.

We traditionally bless girls by saying, "May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah."
That makes sense. These are the initial four Biblical matriarchs.

But when it comes to blessing our sons, the tradition deviates. We say, "May you be like Ephraim and Menashe."

Who?

Ephraim and Menashe were the names of Jacob's grandsons.

And within this Bible story, comes the first time that the love between grandparents and grandchildren is acknowledged and sanctified.

Previously in the Torah, Jewish continuity was relatively simple. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were raised close to home. But what about Ephraim and Menashe?

Our Sages remind us that Ephraim and Menashe were Egyptian born -- the first sons of the Diaspora.

Still, ask our Sages to this day, "Why don't we bless our sons after Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?"

Rabbi Immanuel Jakobovitz (1921-1999), quoting our mystic texts, has a beautiful take on
this. He notes that while there are many examples in the Torah of parents blessing their children - this is the first and only time we find a grandparent blessing grandchildren.

Think about it.

Is there any relationship more pure - more uncomplicated than the bond between grandparents and grandchildren?

Relationships between parents and children are often complex. Parents have expectations. Parents plan life paths for their children, or look to their sons and daughters to avoid mistakes that they may have made in their youth.

Parents worry. Children rebel.

Not so much for grandparents and grandchildren.

Often when I sit with an adult son or daughter following the passing of a parent, they remark, "My father (or mother) never hugged me or told me they loved me. They were so busy raising us. It was often tense. But later in life, I saw a different, softer person when they were with their grandchildren."

When a parent blesses their children, the blessing is sometimes complicated by short or long-term worries. "Will they find a loving and supportive mate? Will they be successful in their careers? Will they get into college? How will they do on that test this Monday?"

But as Rabbi Jonathan Sacks notes, when a grandmother or grandfather blesses a grandchild, they do so with "a full heart."

And perhaps that is why - established during patriarchal times - Jacob's blessing of Ephraim and Menashe continues to be followed today.

And not only are our grandchildren blessed by us, but we are blessed by them.

Rabbi Joshua ben Levi is quoted in the Babylonian Talmud saying that it is incumbent upon every person to teach Torah to their children, and to their children's children.

It is not only important that we teach the written word to our children and grandchildren, but also the "oral law." That is, how to be a mensch - a good person. How to be kind. How to feel for others. How to love.

But it is a two way street.

The Jerusalem Talmud, tells a story about the same rabbi, who once while taking his pre-Sabbath bath, realized he hadn't heard his grandson tell him about the weekly Torah reading.

Rabbi Joshua got dressed, ran home, and sat with his grandson, and listened to him recount the main Bible stories and lessons of the week.

What this teaches us in 2018 is, that it is important, as the week ends, that we pause with our children and our grandchildren and ask, "How was school? What did you learn this week?"

Each of us learns so much through the honesty and spontaneity of our children and grandchildren.

And these days, if we can't do so in person, we can utilize Facebook, Skype, Instagram or countless other media.

As any grandparent will tell you, while we bless our grandchildren, we in turn we are blessed by them.

It is why this week was such a blessed one in our family.

This past Wednesday, our daughter Sarah gave birth to a precious little girl. She is perfect. She is sweet. She is unblemished. She is peace. She is the future.

And she was blessed with these words:

"You are a sweet blessing to us, a tiny messenger of joy. Welcome to this magnificent life. May God grace you with all things that are good, and shield you from all harm. May the bonds of our family be your strength. May our love be your comfort. May our faith sustain you. May God be with you, now and always."

And in turn she blessed us. Relatives who had not seen each other in years were brought together. Bonds were renewed. Families were combined.

Such is the blessing of new life.

Clara is currently celebrating her third day on earth. And on this, her first Shabbat, we bless her as we have for thousands of years.

"May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah." May you also be like other persons of strength: Mother Teresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Malala Yousafzai and so many more.

Most of all, may you be like your namesake, your great grandmother, Clara Caudill, who taught our family each day about God, kindness, peace and family - perhaps more than any rabbi or preacher.

It is said in our tradition, that those who think about their children care about the future - and those who think about the future make peace.

There is nothing but peace in our hearts this Shabbat. We bless you, sweet Clara. As only grandparents can do.

To bless grandchildren and to be blessed by them - these are the greatest privileges of our lives.

For on this Shabbat, we realize that one perfect little soul, can change the world.

For you have already changed ours. For this world is already a better place because you are here.

We are so blessed this Shabbat, for in you, we are reminded of love, and the eternal light.

May it always shine bright in you.

Shabbat Shalom, v'kol tuv.

Rabbi Irwin Huberma