blogs/rabbi-huberman

I heard a story years ago about a well-intentioned group of missionaries who traveled to Uganda in hope of improving the lives of those in need.

Through their travels through rural regions, they noticed that every day, the residents of one village walked almost two miles in each direction to obtain water from the nearest river.

The group leader approached the village elder and, with the best of intentions, declared, “We would like to build a well for your village. We’ll employ your villagers, and in the end, you will be able to draw water 50 yards from your village rather than two miles away.”

“Sure,” replied the elder. And so it was. 

For a week, villagers dug. Bricks were laid. A beautiful bucket was attached by rope to this fine new structure.

The next day, the missionaries waited with great anticipation to observe the village’s residents draw water from the newly built well. But on that day, much to their shock, the villagers bypassed the well and resumed their traditional daily trek two miles to and from the river.

Dumbfounded, the group leader approached the village elder and exclaimed with great confusion, “I don’t understand. No one is using the well.”

To which the elder replied, “You didn’t ask us if we really needed a well, did you? If fact, we don’t. That two mile walk to and from the river is the time when everyone catches up on the events of the previous day. Young people walk together under the eye of their parents and other family members, and this produces new marriages. That walk is part of who we are.”

The elder continued, “The people of our village appreciated the wages, but please, next time, ask first before you decide what it is that we need.”

That incident — and many like it in developing countries — have led to a phrase that has gained popularity over the last decade — “charitable colonialism.” 

Sometimes, even with though we mean to do the best for others, we fail to ask, “How can we truly be of help?”

A small scene in this week’s Torah portion inspires me to reflect upon this topic.

In this, the last Torah reading of the Book of Genesis, Joseph receives word that his father, Jacob, is dying. Even though Joseph is the second most powerful person in Egypt, he pauses at the entrance of his father’s room and waits for permission to enter.

A third person advises Jacob of Joseph’s arrival. Our commentators speculate that Jacob needed time to collect himself.

Like many of us who have been bedridden, the timing is not always right to entertain visitors — even if they come with the best of intentions. 

The Torah tells us that during that interval, Jacob “summoned his strength and sat up in bed.” (Genesis 48:2) At that point, Jacob positions himself at the edge of his bed, his feet on the ground, and begins to bless members of this family.

Joseph’s pause at the door may seem minor, but it teaches us an important lesson: We need to make sure that our timing is right before we perform a mitzvah.

The Torah also — within this often-overlooked vignette — provides an important lesson on how we should perform Bikkur Cholim — visiting of the sick.   

Notes the Etz Chayim biblical commentary, “One should never enter the room of a sick or elderly person unannounced, lest they be embarrassed, indisposed, or not fit to receive visitors.”

It also calls upon us in other areas when we are about to perform a mitzvah to — in the words of my late grandfather — “Think twice and do once.”

We, as a people, have dedicated ourselves to assisting others, having survived centuries of persecution and suffering. Indeed, Jewish people contribute Tzedakah — charity — at one of the highest levels of any measured group.

The average annual Jewish household, according to a 2017 Giving USA study, donates $2,526 to charity yearly — that’s between 50 and 100 percent higher than other measurable groups.

That is the good news. But, are we donating it in a way that maximizes the positive impact on individuals and communities in need?

A few years ago, our congregation received a grant from the UJA Federation of New York, which was earmarked to assist the Glen Cove Boys and Girls Club. We had ideas about how we could best help them break the cycle of poverty.

But, after speaking with the Club’s staff, and gaining a better understanding of what they needed, we amended our plans.

We were encouraged to assist young people — many of them children of immigrants — in filling out their college applications and to help underwrite their application fees. We did that.

We helped train existing staff and peers on how to become homework coaches.

Ultimately, we learned that the most effective result is achieved when we ask those on the front lines and those most affected, how best we could help.

And that is how our congregation’s clergy and social action committee have conducted themselves — especially during these times of food insecurity.

We attempt, with open ears and a full heart, to “knock first” before we enter.

This week’s Torah portion reminds us in part, that, despite our purest intentions, we must consider the feelings and needs of those we wish to help before we act. 

It means enabling someone in a vulnerable position to prepare themselves, or asking, “Is this a good time?” It means developing kind and helpful relationships with those we wish to assist.

We all want to do good on this earth. All the more reason to ask, “How can I truly dig a well that will do the most good?”

And, when we do that, our mission of Tikun Olam — repairing this broken world — can move a little closer to completion.

The Talmud reminds us that there is so little time and so much to do. Indeed, every day, each of us can make a difference — one thoughtful and focused mitzvah at a time.

We can change the world through kindness.

For that is what we are put on this earth to do.

Shabbat Shalom, v’kol tuv.

Rabbi Irwin Huberman

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