blogs/rabbi-huberman

Parashat Vayechi 

 “And Jacob called his sons and said, “Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in the days to come.” Genesis 49:1

How would you like to be remembered?

There is a secure place in my office that contains several precious items.

Not cash, or gold, or valuable Judaica.

But rather sealed envelopes passed to me over the years, awaiting that final day that comes to each of us.

These envelopes contain ethical wills (tzava’ot). Most of us have prepared documents with lawyers or accountants to indicate where our physical assets should go after we die.

But that is not what is contained in that special place.

These envelopes contain information and instructions designed to influence how we will be remembered: the charities we cherish, the values and wisdom we’d like to pass on to those who follow —and even what our funerals will look like.

Throughout our lives, we tend to live in the now. Medical breakthroughs have made it possible for each of us to live productively longer than previous generations. A 2025 study projected that more than 47 percent of us will live past 85.

About 28 percent will make it to 90.

We tend to avoid thoughts of our passing, rarely discussing them with our children. But these ethical wills —distinct from the conventional physical ones —can help each of us live on in some significant way —not to control, but rather to inspire.

In recent years, the practice of the ethical will has been revived, and is often discussed this week, as we transition in our Torah reading from the Book of Genesis to the story of Egypt and the Exodus.

In this week’s parashah, the Torah recounts the passing of Jacob, Judaism’s third patriarch, at age 147.

The Torah shares how —before Jacob passes away —he gathers his 12 sons, and praises, guides and even admonishes them, one by one.

The idea of bringing earthly closure to our relationships has encouraged many today to prepare a letter or similar document for families and friends to read in the future.

Although we tend to avoid the thought, each of us understands that we will not live forever. Don’t we wish we could continue guiding our precious children and grandchildren after we are gone?

Don’t we wish we could share what we’ve learned through our successes, so that those who follow us would not make the same mistakes?

As we reflect upon the future, in the tradition of tzava’ot, how would we fill in the following blanks?

1)  The happiest moment of my life was….and this is how it affected my life.

2)  The most difficult moment of my life was....and this is what I learned from it.

3)  This is how I would like to be remembered.

4)  The following words and traditions are important to me. Please try to remember me through one or two.

5)  My greatest hope for the future is ….

6)  My greatest fear for the future is….and perhaps this is what we can do to help avoid it.

7)  This is what I would like my memorial service to look like.

8)  These are the charities or causes I would appreciate if you could continue to support.

9) These are the things I am most grateful for.

10)  I may never have said it while I was alive, but these are words from my heart, which I wish to share with you.

Indeed, there are no biblical characters alive today, but each of us is living a sacred story.

The first surviving ethical will was written in 1050 by Eleazar ben Isaac in Worms, Germany. He wrote: “Think not of evil, for evil thinking leads to evil doing. Purify thy body, the dwelling place of thy soul. Give of all thy food a portion to God. Let God's portion be the best and give it to the poor.”

Judah ben Saul ibn Tibbon shared in 1190, “Avoid bad society, make thy books thy companions.”

The Talmud reminds us also to pay attention to the gifts and instructions we leave behind. It teaches that a physical will, which financially favors one or blots out another, will ultimately lead to disharmony among our descendants.

Therefore, the Talmud teaches, be clear, fair and mindful regarding the directions that we leave behind.

And so, as we complete the first book of the Torah, let us take a moment and think about our own genesis.

There is no rush. There is so much more life to live. But what an interesting exercise to complete an ethical will now, if for no other reason than to reflect upon the values that are important to us.

I plan to hold an Ethical Will worship sometime in 2026. I hope you will participate —or we can spend some time together before then.

We end most Jewish funerals with the words, “May their memory always be for a blessing.” What role will we play in shaping that memory?

A few years before their passing, I had a conversation with both my parents. We discussed how they viewed their lives, and how they wished to be remembered.

It helped my brother and I during their passing last year to shape their respective life stories.

There remains plenty of space in that special place of sealed envelopes. They remain the most precious items which have been entrusted to me, for they possess the capacity to positively shape the future.

While physical inheritances are easily spent, our values —and even our good names —are more precious.

For they carry us forward into the future.

Shabbat shalom, v’kol tuv.

Rabbi Irwin Huberman..